First, let me explain why this website is called – Faptronaut. Well, just google it yourself. You find tonnes and tonnes of people like me who want to quit the viscous act of masturbation.
How it all started?
Internet. The stupidest thing brought by the human which was expected to do a lot of positives. Although, I agree that the positives outweighs the negatives; I should hate it for introducing me to Pornography. Year 8 . First time. I loved it. The feeling was amazing. But, I was scared the first time. I felt guilty like never before. I wish I had that guilt now. Hopefully, I would stopped my viscous habit. FUCK YOU Internet porn!
Why did I decide to do this?
Hmm.. well many reasons. I live abroad from home. I don’t live with my parents. So, more chances to have a quickie every now and then. My bed has stains of my sperm and if someone finds it out, I have to lie it from other liquids like tea and other shit. I hate it! I hate this habit. I don’t wanna do this. It is disgusting and vile.
Next reason, well.. you could have got a gist from my addiction that I don’t go out a lot. I don’t talk to girls. I find it very shy and awkward to even have a good conversation with a girl. It is not that I find them sexually tempting or anything like that. I don’t know. Every girl I have spoken to in my life, my first encounter with them has always been an awkward one – meeting someone for the first time after a quickie, looking tired and talking to them like a druggie. Man.. I could go all day long.
Next reason, UNLUCK. This is the biggest thing for me. I don’t know how many people believe in luck. I didn’t until I figured out this weird connection between unluck and masturbation. I have worked out several ways I should and shouldn’t masturbate so, I don’t encounter bad luck the next day. This bad luck has ruined my A-levels and my grades in unis. First, I thought if I don’t wank for three days before the exam, I should be able to avoid the bad luck. But, no. Then, I tried for five days. Hmmm.. Better. Don’t think this is some crazy coincidence. I put the same amount of effort on all subjects. But, the bad luck occurs only when I masturbate the day before or three days before. I don’t know why. Masturbation has affected my life hugely. Feeling tired always. MAN.. I HATE THIS HABIT! Ever since I started masturbating like 2/3 times a day, I feel like my brain hasn’t been connected with my body completely. I’m a student who did his Maths GCSEs in Year 9 (Normal students do it in Year 11) and got an average of 98%. Ever since I left my school and my parents kinda broke up, to get over that depression I used to wank a lot which helps me a lot to sleep at nights. Then, I got a tolerance to the feeling I get with masturbation, so I over did like 5 times per day. Even 10 times. This was the time I lost interest in studies. COMPLETELY! I haven’t recovered till now. I don’t where my drive to succeed in life went. Even now, I’m complaining about this only when I realise masturbation has led to my poor results. I hate myself. I need to stop this shit.
How I feel without fapping?
The way I do my noFap challenges is by setting a goal of how many days I shouldn’t fap before an important occasion like an important exam or something. So, I try it for 3 days. Sometimes, 2 days. Sometimes, 5 days. So, today was my results day. Hoping that this challenge would help me receive better results. So, I set a goal not to fap five days before. I did it with a lot of cheating.
I kinda failed I guess…
First day is always the hardest because you have been doing it continuously before starting the noFap challenge. I do it. But, a lot of touching my dick without watching any pornographic material. Like come on… I HATE THIS HABIT!
Second day. I try again. Then, I came across this absolutely beautiful Indian actress whose nude video got leaked. -_- Then, I think to myself… is it my fault now? I had the video on my screen without playing it. Then, I thought to myself I should stop. So, I didn’t watch it. But, that stuck to my head for the next two days. Always thinking “Aww man.. when am I going to watch this?” “I can’t wait for my goal to finish”. I was more eager to watch this video after 4 days than expecting to see my results. I know.. I’m crazy.
Third day, I cheat myself by randomly searching pictures of this hot actress in Spiderman Homecoming. *wink*wink* She has got some nudes. 😀 But, I knew that subconsciously that those pics would pop up even without typing “nudes” followed by her name. Then, again, I had a look at them. Felt sexually aroused. But, still didn’t masturbate. I guess this kinda aggravated my urge to wank. Then, I came across these youtube thumbnails of girl gamers with big tits. Watched the entire video. I was aroused but, I felt like a dickhead after I finished watching that video. WHAT CAN I DO NOW? BAN YOUTUBE?? HOW DO I STOP THIS?
Fourth day, worst day of all. Remember that beautiful Indian actress’ leaked video. Yeah.. I watched it. But, obviously, my mind needs a reason, right? This may sound like I’m crazy. Since I’m a bit superstitious, I went on this random YES or NO generator on the Internet. So, I would pray to God and pretend as if he would answer my question truthfully through this random Yes or No generator. So.. this is how the convo goes?
“Hey God… Please answer this question. If I watched the leaked video, would it affect my results?” *DISPLAYS NO*
“Thanksssss! Alright best out of three… ” *DISPLAYS YES* “Shit!” *DISPLAYS YES* .
So, according to God, I shouldn’t watch the video. But, this is where my addiction comes in. I go like.. Well.. maybe I didn’t ask the question right. Then, I would find an excuse each time until my desired answer has been provided.
So, I got an YES from God after 2 tries. Then, I watched the video. Slightly touching my dick. Not to the level I would cum.
LAST DAY. I woke up. Went to the toilet. Looked at some pictures by not actually typing the obvious keyword. Did not masturbate. Then, my results came. I cummed as soon as I received my results.
WHAT SHOULD I DO? Where should I start from? What do I lack?