Day 8: On Medication for my anxiety. Hematidrosis.

I took a serotonin tablet last night. I had a very peaceful sleep. Psychiatrist advised me to go to bed early and wake up early. So, I went to bed at 10. Mom woke up this morning at 9. I was pissed off cos she promised me last night that she would wake me up at 6. When I asked her why she wasn’t willing to wake me up, she told me I was in a very deep sleep. I understood her reason. 

Usual day. Java Lessons. I wasn’t in my best state today. I took a tablet to help me with my anxiety problems. When I was programming, it felt like my brain was tired and I just couldn’t be arsed to do anything. I felt a bit numb. Probably due to that anxiety drug. I just couldn’t be arsed to do any work. When I left my class, I saw a huge smoke at the end of the road. Nearly everyone were looking at the smoke and it looked like fire to me. I wanted to have a look at it. But, I was too drugged up. I just wanted to go to my bed and snuggle up in it.

As soon as, I reached home from my Java classes, I just went on WordPress. I should say I went through a lot of NoFap blogs. All of them inspired me in some way. Had some lunch and just had a nap. My body felt so peaceful. The feeling you have after you fap. Just calm. Tired. I’m pretty sure my pulse is low as fuck.

Then, I took a nap. I had this dream about meeting my English teacher I had back in secondary school. My English teacher and I had this awkward relationship. Since I was quite addicted to fapping back then as well, the way she dresses always made me very uncomfortable (Tight jeans and she is very flirty with all her students). Then, there was this one incident which made our relationship really awkward. I don’t want to get into details about that. It’s a long story. Her face wasn’t her the greatest. But, her body was. Even in my dream, our meeting was very awkward. In the dream, I see her from a very far distance but, I try to ignore her. It was her who shouted my name and then, I had an awkward conversation with her.  😀

Anyways, I woke up. Made some questions from the computer engineering lecture slides. Then, my uncle accompanied my grandma and came over to ours. My uncle had my mom’s chappattis and he complemented her. I hate my mom’s chappathis.

Then, it was time for bed. My brother was just chatting shit on why I’m doing poorly in academics. Then, we had a physical fight and we spat on each other. Mum led us to peace.

Then, as we are sleeping, my grandma casually said that she was just sweating blood from her fingers without any wounds. Just randomly. Mom, Harry(my bro) and I laughed at her. We argued that it is impossible for blood to come out without any signs of cuts or wounds. Upon googling, I found it was Hematidrosis.  Apparently, Jesus had it. 😀 

Going to Tirupati tomorrow. I’ve have refrained from masturbation due to this visit to this religious place. I go to this temple nearly everytime I’m in India. It’s my third visit this year. I don’t regret it. It’s quite peaceful. It quite saddens me that my grandma is going to tonsure her hair along wit my lil’ cousin. 😥 She gonna go bald tomorrow.

NoFap:

As soon as I woke up, I went to the toilet and I looked at my fake fb profile. REGINA CASSANDRA!! OMG! She was soo hot in her new movie. Really wanted to fap. But, I restrained from. Then, saw this another actress called Sunaina. DAMN! Her new stills from her new movie. But, again… I should stop this habit. Then, I read on the NoFap that even watching sexual simulating stuff takes away some dopamine. So, I’m going to stop doing that.

8 days into NoFap. I don’t have urge to masturbate. I would look at porn but, I don’t feel like fapping. Then, I’m more active and eager to learn new stuff. I’ve never had this much determination before. After my visit to Tirupathi, I would be joining gym, yoga and motorbike lessons.

Gotta wake up at 4 am tomorrow. Don’t think I will be able to write a log tomorrow.

Night.

 

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