Damn.. I’m writing this blog very secretly. I lied to my mom that I’m going to study for my upcoming exams. She thinks I’m typing for my notes. But, No. Plus, I have to hide my laptop screen from my brother so, he doesn’t know that I have a blog. This blog is very secretive. It contains all my secretive fantasies and it is based on a very bad habit of mine. I think my mum know that I do fap. But, she hasn’t spoken anything about it. But, she doesn’t know that I do it very frequently.
Back to the day. Again, I was the last one to be up. I was well and active. The very first words I heard as soon as I woke up was :
Your uncles are coming for lunch today. I NEED YOUR HELP!
I had to agree. She is right. We were expecting nearly 4 people. We had to make food for 7 people. So, off I went to toilet to take a shower and take a shit. Went and looked at some navel pics. Again, wasn’t horny or anything. Mom told me to sweep the living room. Then, I had to check in with my cousin. He was as usual playing with my bro. Looked like they had a good time.
Asked him if he wishes to watch Star Wars movie. He agreed. Downloaded it from Yify. But, I was the only one watching it. We had to order briyani from a restaurant for 7 people. For some reason, I wasn’t looking forward to it. I don’t know. Ever since I started noFap, my appetite hasn’t been its best. Realised our house isn’t the best place for the phone reception. Nearly every call that was attended at home had a problem.
Anyways, had a sudden call from Uncle B that he is going to bring his wife’s sister. I knew she just a year older than me. Damn.. she is very tall. Not the best looks though. Anyway, as you know, I’m not best with girls. Quite awkward. So, I wasn’t expecting much anyway.
They came. Had lunch. Uncle B’s wife’s sis apparently asked Uncle B who I was. So, I had to introduce myself as awkwardly as I can. She said she was 19. I realised I was older than her. WTF? She is soo tall. I always thought she was older than me.
Watched Uncle B’s wedding and engagement video recording. Uncle B had nearly 2 packets of Biryani. So, we had to get more. The delivery guy forgot to bring one of the two chicken 65 we ordered. Uncle V and Mina came over after that.
Then, came Aunt D and her dad came very late for lunch. We just chatted for sometime and Uncle B wanted to take a look at a vacant house upstairs.
Mina asked for some fruit juice. Surprisingly, she came with me. I’m glad that she no longer sees me as a stranger.
Then, we just chatted and watched Big Boss together. ADVICE. ADVICE. ADVICE. It was just continuously advice. From my mom. From my uncle. From my Grandma. It was then time for my Uncle V to leave. He is off to NY tonight at 12am. He also took my cousin with him. My grandma nearly cried as my Uncle V walked out of our door. I guess it does suck when your children live away from you.
A minute before writing this blog, Mom came over and asked me about why I look so worried and stress all the time. I answered it is because of my poor performance in uni. I felt like crying. I put in so much hardwork. Then, still end up, getting poor marks. But, again, this is why I want to try NoFap. Since I used to fap nearly whenever I’m free, I feel tired and lazy all the time. This stopped me from doing any work quite early. I’m a person who always rushes things. I’ve been so stupid in my life. Games and Fapping. Two most common thing I do when I’m bored. I don’t learn. I don’t study. Just Fap and Game and Youtube. I understand I’ve took the worst possible lifestyle. I should stop this.
Well… again, I’m quite stressed now. I should calm down. Whenever I think of calming down, my brain goes “FAP”. But, now I can not be bothered to take an effort to fap. For instance, when I wasn’t on NoFap, if I wanted to fap; I would go into the toilet, lay down on the toilet as if it was a bed. Then, FAP! I fap by rubbing my P on a surface. The easiest way. I think using hands are way too much effort. Anyway, now I feel like…. I cba. Good brain.
I feel more active. But, something pulls my energy down. It could be two things: stress about my future and constipation. I should get rid of both of these ASAP. I’m going to think positive from now on.
I CAN WIN! I will do it! I will finish my 60 day of NoFap