Day 10: Hi again! Trip to Dubai. Exams. Good Time Ahead

So, why haven’t I written a blog in a while? Because I was ashamed of myself. After my last day 0 post, I fapped rigorously for another three days. I mean very rigorously. Probably like 10 times on each day. FFS! I was back on the viscous addiction cycle. But, those three days has taught me a valuable lesson which I have forgotten — NEVER PEEK.

My brain often convinces itself that it is the sperm retention is primary goal of this journey. As I have previously described in my older posts, my brain constantly tries to make a link with everything at all times. If I get an amazing grade, my brain will go “hmmm… what caused this amazing result?”. Then, my brain would look through the list of things I did on previous days.   Most of the time it has been me trying to refrain from masturbation before that exam. So, I would just assume that No Masturbation for a certain number of days before an exam = better result. To be honest, that’s the reason why I have come so far which I will explain later. This is a long lost. BEWARE!

So, I thought “Hmm.. I will not fap. Just peek.(I’m not gonna say where for obvious reasons)”. But, whenever I’m on it, I turn into a completely different person. It is amazing how your hormones can change the way you think drastically. I will forget all my goals like noFap and end up fapping. I have decided that from now on, never to peek. No matter what. If I peek, I WILL RESET THE COUNTER.

Anyways, back to the diary. I had my entire house for myself. All my housemates went home for Christmas. I was watching the content out loud for the first time in my life. I’m so embarrassed to even write this. It feels like I haven’t even been committed to this. This is what Porn does. Just hijacks your brain.

Did no work for my exams. Just binge watched on Time Team. YES! TIME TEAM

Then, it was time to pack up for my holiday to Dubai. I cleaned the house. Went to London. Jacked off there too. FFS. Then, from there, took the flight to Riyadh. Then, 10 and half transit. Then, from there to Dubai.

It was lovely. But, I should say this trip was God-given. You know why. Porn is illegal in UAE. If you find you that you have been watching porn, BAM! You are in the prison getting the whips from the UAE richboiis policeman.

So,as I have previously said in earlier posts, the first 5 days are the hardest. The urges peek and you will most of your streaks there. Lucky for me, I was in Dubai. First, it is illegal. Second, we were knackered by the time we reached our hotel end of the day. All I had to do was just close my eyelids. BAM! I’m asleep. Then, next day, I will be out of my hotel ASAP. I think I should adapt that lifestyle here as well. Just go gym before bed. Get knackered. Then, sleep. Easier to avoid the urges.

By the time, I came back. I was on day 7. A week of noFap. This is where I would usually get a huge burst of energy. But, I have wasted it on travelling. So, not useful at all.

Then, It has been three days since that day 7. I have very less work. I had a flat line from day 8 – day 9 (Yesterday). I had no motivation to work. Most of the time went on the bed just sleeping it off. But, I learnt a very important lesson today. Never have too much carbs. If I did, I would just feel tired even more and head to bed wasting time.

I’m going to survive on simple proteins and fruits for sugar to survive from now on.

Oh yeah….  NEW YEAR RESOLUTION! 

  • Hit day 100 this year at least once this year.
  • Go Gym.
  • Get laid.
  • Get a perfect skin.
  • Get an internship.
  • Score at least 80% this year.

I’ve been taking medications for my brain. Eating omega rich food. Nuts. Avacodo. Blueberries.

Oh yeah… another thing. Since this is the longest I have been on nofap journey since I started uni which was back in Sept and I haven’t peeked even a single bit, the urges are starting to create pictures in my dream. I just had a dream where I went into a brothel. The good guy I was even though, I bought the ticket to go into the brothel. I didn’t sleep with any women. That is one thing I will never ever ever do in my life. I’m happy to stay as a virgin till the age of 60 than sleep with a prostitute. 

Despite the fact it has been a good week for myself, not so good for my electronics. Both of the hinges on my laptop have broken off. One of the sides of my Bose QC25 headphones just stopped working when I was listening to a song. Today, my iphone screen works, but has these weird white lines everywhere. Me being the engineering student that I am tried to fix. Just made it worse. The home button got stucked in between the screen.

Anyways, I have told myself that I will work for at least 12 hours today. Let’s see how it goes. Machine learning is long. I will update every now and then.

How do I feel today?

Did have an urge today just because I was stressed about my phone. By just worshipping to God, I have prevented myself from fapping.

My goal is not to fap until I get my results for my exams. If I don’t get the expected grades, FUCK NOFAP! I want to see the results academically more than the effects it has on my social life.

PS: NoFap does improve on my social skills.

Oh yeah… another thing. My dad got admitted to a hospital as he fell unconscious when my family was on way to see the new land my dad has apparently bought. I told my mom to tell the doctor to tell my dad that he will die soon if he doesn’t stop alcohol. He has started to show his narcissistic character again. I’m so worried because my mom and my bro are going to head back to UK soon and I don’t want them to live with my dad when he’s like this. I’ve lived with him. It is like living in a hell. Literally.

Applied to so many jobs. Got rejected by Llyods. 😦 Why? I did the test with my housemate. Still failed. Anyways. Back to revision.

 

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Day 0 :

Slept at 5:45 am and woke up at 13:00. My housemate said he was eventually gonna leave for London at 10 am. He just missed it cos he turned off his phone instead of snoozing his alarm😂

13:45

My housemate, H, is calling me to a play a game of Overwatch before he leaves. So, I’m quickly gonna play without taking a shower or brushing my teeth!

13:51

Oh yeah! I fapped like 5 times last night. I just want to get tired of this. I’m gonna start from today. It’s really not worth it!!

14:32

Lost that game! Fucking hell that Widow was amazing! Anyways, we only played one game and my housemate left! YESSS!!! The whole house is gonna be just for me. Gonna take a shower soon. Thinking of making a nice mutton Briyani for myself.

01:47

So, I made rasam, mutton chukka instead of briyani because I’m out of Yogurt! Before that I slept for like three hours while binge watching Time Team. I love that show. That’s about it.

Just watching some Tamil comedy and stuff before going to bed. This couch is so comfy. I will start my work tomorrow. I’m so full. The mutton tasted great when it was hot. When I had it, it got a bit cold and it tasted a bit weird. Night

Day 0: What Happened to me?

Well… I fucked up! I couldn’t be arsed.

I stopped on NoFap, Simples! I fell into the viscous cycle. Now, I’m back on it. More than ever. When I did my day 15 of NoFap, I found it easier to be on it when I blog.

Now, I’m back in Southampton. It’s Christmas Holidays. I’m gonna try write this blog everyday.

I’m travelling to Dubai in few days. Still 4 days left. I still can’t make up my mind whether I should stay home and revise or go somewhere in Cornwall and stay there for two nights or go back to London to meet my friends.

But, again, there is a 67% chance that my mind is not willing to study. But, I want to travel somewhere nice alone. I feel like I’m always stuck in my room just either studying or playing games.

I want to explore a lot of new places. I legit thought of going to Paris for two nights. But, I have only £175 left in my account. Along with this, my housemate is trying to rip me off by over-charging the stuff that he has bought for me. He is a nice guy!

My dad owes me £200. He still hasn’t sent me that money. If he sends me that money before tomorrow, I might actually go Cornwall.

Why Cornwall you may ask?

Even as a child, I loved history! It all started with Samurai Jack! I loved it as  a child. I started learning about history of real Samurais. When I moved to UK, it had a rich history and I’ve always been intrigued about how they looked like.

There was one time when I was in India, The teacher asked the entire class on a dilemma question. “If you were to travel to either your future or look into the past, which one would you choose?”. Out of 50-odd students, I was the only one who chose to look into the past.

Just imagine it. The Knights! The houses! Their belief. I find that our current generations lacks that uniqueness. If I had to explain my generation to my grand-child, it would just be about iPhones, Laptops and Internet. Compared to my grandpas stories which spoke about rich kings, people using basic tools to survive.

To be honest, at this point, I think I’m just rambling. But, you get my point.

What am I doing now?

Listening to Kaytranda (If you are into chill and calm music, you should definitely give it a try) and looking for amazing locations that isn’t too far from Southampton.

I’ve made up my mind about spending my Christmas at Winchester.  Winchester is a small village near Southampton.

Think of going there.

05:27

Well.. Seems like Winchester hasn’t got much going. I’m gonna sleep now. I will decide what I want to do tomorrow.

– N

Day 17: Normal Day, I guess…

Today was a very normal day for me. Nothing new. Just normal.

Woke up quite late today as I sleep late last night after revision. I was quite urged to look at P**n last night. But, I told myself:

It’s not worth it.

Then, just watched some league videos and slept. When I woke up, my mom kept insisting that I should do Yoga. I did Sun Prayer and breathing exercise. Not religiously though. Then, I tried to perform some exercise to increase my penile length while showering. But, the soap was so strong that it went into my P. It was hurting like hell whenever I peed. Literally, I nearly screamed. That lasted for like 2 hours straight.

Off I went to Java class. My teacher wasn’t in. So, I was bored. Went on NoFap. Then, it was time for my internship. I literally did nothing there. The internship leader is so intrigued by the fact that I’m from UK. She consistently asked me about all the stuff in UK – culture, food and people. I was thinking to myself:

Just Shut Up! Already. Just do your job and teach me something

It was so awkward talking about UK and abroad to someone who has never been to abroad. To make things even worse, there were two other boys asking me all sorts of weird questions to me. God!

Then, I escaped and I was off to Yoga class. I was quite late. She taught some Yoga for my concentration. Then, on the way back, I had some rose milk. Damn.. it was soo refreshing!! It was also very hot today. 39 degrees. Luckily, I had my sunscreen on. Otherwise, I would turned into some charcoal looking figure.

Had fish curry and rice for lunch. Slept. Woke up. I went out to print my 82 pages long notes. By the time, I came back home from the printing shop. My mum was having an intense conversation with my dad on the phone about some property that we have in rural part of Madurai. Apparently, my grandfather from my dad side has put my dad’s property for sale without his permission. Upon further discussion with my dad, he confirmed it was a rumour and nothing like that has happened.

I had quite a lot of healthy take away for dinner. Mushroom masala, Two corn hobs and two cups of mushroom soups.  Watched this reality TV show. That’s it. Everyone has gone to bed apart from me. I’m going to study for an hour.

Tomorrow, I’m going to start my motor bike training lessons. Neil (my young cousin) should be back tomorrow as well. Thinking of taking him to the new Dawn of the apes movie.

NoFap:

I did have urges here and there. I controlled myself and refrained from looking at any p**graphic content. But, I did wanted to know how often women masturbate. I always wondered if they do it as often as men. Apparently, they don’t. Good. No wonder women are more focused at work than men. Men are some horny creatures.

Thanks to those 10 followers. Don’t know if you are going to read this. But, I’m happy someone is reading what’s happening in my boring life.

Day 16: A New Beginning.

Yes. It is a New Beginning. My lifestyle has dramatically changed. I woke up really early – 7AM. That’s really early for me. Mom kept insisted that I should do Yoga. So, I did. For like solid 20 minutes. I did the Sun Prayer Yoga and some breathing exercises. But, I couldn’t get the breathing right. So, I had to look up on Google before doing it.

Off I went to Java class. Finished Threads and Execution today. My teacher actually spent some time with me teaching the concept completely. She hasn’t done this in a while. But, she is amazing when it comes to teaching. Then, as I was coding, she explained about how much their family is praying for a better job for her. I told her that teaching is a very valuable profession. She agreed and said :

Not the best profession for money

It’s true. It is quite unsatisfying for people like her who put so much effort in teaching someone their knowledge. Yet, still, gets paid less. 😦

Then, the teacher responsible for my Internship informed and said I will be able to do the Internship today as soon as my Java class finishes. I was so happy. I don’t have to come back from home.

She taught me basic stuff again. It was really embarrassing when I answered most of her basic questions wrong. For instance, I didn’t know what a dielectric does. I didn’t know what a semi-conductor was. But, when she reminds me what it is, it all comes back. I was also quite glad that the brain is rebooting. I have forgotten all the fights my dad had with my mom and all the embarrassing moments. They are all gone now. I’m happy that I have forgotten most of the things.

Then, I went to the pharmacy to get the medicine I was prescribed for my melasma. I haven’t applied it in ages because my mom has put it somewhere and she can’t remember where it is.

Came back home. Had Lunch. Took a nap. Woke up. Paid fees for motor bike training lessons. I’m starting from Saturday.

Came back home. Asked my brother (He is 13. I’m 20) how to take square roots of any number without using calculator. He explained some division method and factorising method.

Did some revision. I didn’t want to finish Arithmetic. It was too long and boring. So, I just went through the Alex’s stuff. I need to print off my notes. It should cost like 233 rupees. Not much.

I’m doing revision now. Then, I’m off to bed.

Oh yeah… I wanted to do the exam here. But, then today was the deadline. I can’t do anything. So, I have to go back to UK to do the resit. But, I’m coming back to India. Mom keeps insisting that I need to come back so, she can take care of me well. But, I want to stay in UK. It has been ages since I have met my mates from school and secondary. To be more precise, 2 and half years. That’s because I never really had a vacation for myself.

NoFap:

I took the phone to the toilet this morning. But, never looked at navel pics. I had so many opportunities to look at P**n. But, I refrained.

I felt more energetic. Memory is getting better. I can remember things now properly. Still a bit absentminded. Focus is not the best.

Damn.. It is day 16 today. 16 days since I rubbed my ding dong. I’m pretty proud of myself. I’m not feeling tired anymore. I’m more active. I know how to control my body. I know how to control my urges. I wish I had experimented this earlier. 😦 I have ruined my life due to this addiction. Once I reach day 60. I’m going to take a break from NoFap. Try it for 90 days after that.

Can’t wait for day 30. Let’s go.

DAY 15: Passed Quarter of my Goal. Learnt to control my Body

Ok..  I learnt a lot about myself today. I learnt that I can control my urge despite watching P***n. I learnt that the feeling that I can get after fapping can be brought by just doing Yoga. I learnt that it is not the Porn that is affecting me. I learnt it was my habit of Masturbation.

For the last two years, I have been doing it for at least 3 times a day before sleeping. Yes.. Three times. I’m talking about a busy day. If I was free, I would do it more than that. Anyway, I went on the links on Google that stated that Over masturbation causes all the stuff I’m suffering from now.

Anyway, Let’s go and talk about what I did during the day.

Woke up quite early. I told my mom that I had some homework so, I woke up like 7:45 today. I should say I felt okay. I looked at some navel pics and deactivated my fake facebook profile. I’m doing this for a reason. I will explain later. Got ready. Grandma left today.

Off I went to Java Lessons. Finished File handling. My laptop ran out of charge. Despite having charger, I was unable to charge it because I had an european plug. This is India. They have the circular socket. So, I asked the teacher and she gave her circular plug charger. I used that and off I went home.

But.. wait. I realised I had a Yoga lesson. So, I went to Yoga classes. I should say it was pretty relaxing. That feeling that you get after fap. That’s exactly what I had. I learnt some basic Yoga stuff like Surya Namaskar and Pranayamas (Breathing Exercises). During Pranayamas, you are meant to hum and saying “oo” for the vibrations. But, my voice was just being so rough I couldn’t say any of it properly. Then, there was one SimaAsana. This Asana you pretend to be a lion and posture yourself like a lion. Just exhale like a dog. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Anyways, she moved on to other exercises. It was pretty relaxing I should say.

I came home after that. No one was at home. Mom had gone to the bus stop to drop my grandma off. Now, this is when I set myself a goal. I told myself I’ve been seeing a lot of sexual simulating stuff for the last 15 days. Since I’m quarter my way to my 60 day goal, it is time to make it harder. I told myself:

No more viewing any kind of sexually simulating stuff from tomorrow!

From tomorrow, I will not take the phone to toilet to look at some navel pics. No more peeking and looking at some P stars when you are horny. No more Karlee Grey. No more nothing. From day 15 – day 60… It is just going to be work, work and work.

To reward myself for reaching 15 day goal, I told myself I’m allowed to look at P**n as much as possible. But, one thing. No FAPPING!

So, I looked at all sorts of images. Naked. Navel. Belly. But, just today. No more from tomorrow. To be honest, I’m not addicted to porn. I’m addicted to fapping. I’m addicted to the feeling I get after a fap. That’s it. So, I did look at all these pics. Went on NSFW posts on reddit. But, didn’t fap. I did leak precum here and there. That’s about it. I never touched my ding dong.

Also, I’m thinking of doing the resit here. Not in UK. I got informed by my faculty that the exam can be done over here. So, yeah. Tickets to London are quite expensive now.

I have sent an email to the exams office. Hopefully, they reply by tomorrow.

I didn’t go the Internship today. Since I was tired from Yoga and was a bit horny, I couldn’t be bothered.

From tomorrow, it is going to revision. Classes. Yoga. Let’s go. Day 60. Here I come.

 

Day 14 : Man… I was full of energy. Best Day in a while.

Damnn… I don’t what’s happening with those pills. But, hell sure they are working. Yesterday, I wrote about how depressed and drugged up I was. Man.. now, it is almost my bedtime. I’m typing this blog as if this was a typing competition. Something is wrong with me. But, I like this change. To quote from Spiderman:

Any change?

Yeah. A big Change

Anyway, Mom woke me up in the middle of the sleep and told me draw a diagram of Nitrogen Cycle on my bro’s notebook. I should I’m proud of that sketch that was drawn while half asleep. I went back to sleep. Woke up at the usual time.  Had Breakfast and the anxiety pill after.

Off I went to the Java class. I was quite focused and intrigued about the learning today. I was so excited. Then, again, my teacher wasn’t teaching me most of the time. So, I felt like it was a waste. Anyways, after the lessons had finished, I called my mom and told her to come over to this Yoga Center. Yes… I will be learning Yoga from tomorrow.

I think as I’m close to reaching 15 day mark on NoFap, I feel like all my energy is coming back. Literally. I had so much energy in me.

So, I came back home. It was quite hot. Usually, I would become tired after staying in sun after 30 mins. Today, I was on sun for nearly 2 hours. To improve my memory and concentration, Mom bought me Flax seeds. Apparently, they are rich in Omega 3.

Without a slightest bit of annoyance, I was happy to go back on sun after 3 hours and attended my internship. They wanted me to build a AC-DC converter. But, the breadboard and soldering iron weren’t the best. I had to bend the legs of the components and join them together to make a connection.

As expected, it didn’t work. 100% sure, it was due to short circuit. The soldering was so badly done. Anyway, I left.

Got back home. Went to my Uncle S’ house with my grandma on a Taxi. God.. that taxi driver was loud and annoying. The guy was speaking to wife and complaining about his wife to us while she was on the line. WTF? Fix yourself dude. We wanted to visit this place because the tenant there owes my grandma like 200,000 Rupees. I wanted to go with her because she can’t walk properly or go up the stairs. So, I went with her in case she needs any help. But, my reason to go was to look at babes.  LOL! Joking.

But.. yeah. My Uncle S’ house is a girls hostel. Now, that my energy level was peaking high. I really wanted to have a kiss and flirt with someone. Since I won’t be able to do that, I just wanted to make some not-creepy but, strong eye contact with some ladies.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. We came back on the same taxi that got us there.

Once I came home, I just searched up “How to lose virginity?”. Haha! My testosterone was skyrocketing. I did look at some navel pics today. Didn’t fap. That’s about it really.

Booked Tickets to Madurai for Grandma. She will be leaving tomorrow.

Did not revise. Should have used all this energy on something productive. With NoFap, treatment on anxiety and some supplements from mom, I’m sure on the way to becoming the guy that I want to be.

NoFap:

I looked at some navel videos. That’s because I was extremely energetic and as a result, I was horny. But, controlled myself.

As I have said already many times in this entry, my energy levels were raging high. Literally, I wasn’t like “Can’t be arsed” at any point today. I had this drive and confidence. Nearly day 15. Seeing good results. Memory is getting better. I’m remembering things here and there. Still forgetting where I left my wallet and some words that I used to know. I’m 100% sure. My memory will return on Day 60. Focus is still shit. But, to be honest, didn’t have much time to test it.

Day 13: Druggy Day! Shopping Gold.

Damn.. Those pills I got prescribed for anxiety. Woah… I was like a zombie today. Tired. Sad for no reason. Everything felt like I was in slow-mo. The pill is called “Nexito 5”. I was fine this morning. I looked at some navel pics. Again as usual. Did not fap.

 

Mom gave the pill after I had my breakfast. It took like an hour to work. By the time, I was at my Java class, I couldn’t understand basic code. I wasn’t able to speak coherently. Lesson was quite useless today. My teacher didn’t even go through anything. When the Java lesson finished, I informed her that I will be coming to the Internship today. She refused and said she is off today.

Very well. Off I went. My mom and my grandma wanted to go to this jewellery store. I told her that I will be free this afternoon. So, I went with them. Bored. I sat on the couch played Sub-way surfers.

When I looked myself in one of the mirrors, I realised my melasma has been healed well on my left side. Not at all on my right. This reminded me to go to my dermatologist. Again, I was so tired in the shop. My mind was so calm and my limbs were numb. I just wanted to lay down all day. My grandma sold a gold coin that my uncle gifted and got herself a chain that weights around 56 grams. Mom and grandma bought even more gold. Chain purchase was the only one I saw.

My rich grandma said she had purchased for nearly 200,000 rupees today. That’s like £2000. Damnn.. Grandma. To be honest, she doesn’t spend this kind of money very often. So, it is fine.

We came home as soon as the shopping finished. I had to call my bro from the bus stop today. Not Mom. Plumbers came over today and fixed the leaky sink. Finally, it has been fixed.

The vacant house upstairs that I was talking about in yesterday’s entry. Remember I said Uncle B wanted to move in. Unfortunately, some North Indian folks beat us to it.  😦

Uncle B will disappointed to know.

Then, I just wanted to make sure if I really do have anxiety. So, I did some online tests. Quite depressed while on the drugs, nearly every quiz said that I suffer from severe anxiety. Weird thing is I don’t know what’s causing it.

The only thing I’m worried about is how poorly I’m doing in academics. That’s it. My family isn’t as bad as it used to be. I’ve never had any problem with money or any expenses. I think it should be my habit of fapping. Remember Fapping is a viscous cycle.

Oh yeah. Forgot to mention that we went on this long journey to find a Yoga center nearby. Found one after the 3rd try. Should join there tomorrow. As we left one of the centers, she reminded me about the other when we had food at a restaurant. Not very long ago. I had completely forgotten. See, this is how bad my memory has gotten. 😦 She got really pissed off.

NoFap

As I already mentioned, I did look at some navel pics. But, when I was in the Java class, I found a post on r/NoFap saying that point of noFap is restrict yourself from viewing any urging material. I read about this post where this had retained semen for 90 days. The results sound amazing.

I’m feeling difference here and there. I can remember things now if I think about more than 30 seconds. I can look into a girl’s eye without thinking it is awkward. Oh yeah.. I did some revision today. Not the best session. But, it is a start. A good start. Finished half of Arithmetic slides.  😀

PS: I’m trying to bring back my morning wood. It happened once. That’s it.

Thank God.

Day 12: Indian Feast. A lot of advice.

Damn.. I’m writing this blog very secretly. I lied to my mom that I’m going to study for my upcoming exams. She thinks I’m typing for my notes. But, No. Plus, I have to hide my laptop screen from my brother so, he doesn’t know that I have a blog. This blog is very secretive. It contains all my secretive fantasies and it is based on a very bad habit of mine. I think my mum know that I do fap. But, she hasn’t spoken anything about it. But, she doesn’t know that I do it very frequently.

Back to the day. Again, I was the last one to be up. I was well and active. The very first words I heard as soon as I woke up was :

Your uncles are coming for lunch today. I NEED YOUR HELP!

I had to agree. She is right. We were expecting nearly 4 people. We had to make food for 7 people. So, off I went to toilet to take a shower and take a shit. Went and looked at some navel pics. Again, wasn’t horny or anything. Mom told me to sweep the living room. Then, I had to check in with my cousin. He was as usual playing with my bro. Looked like they had a good time.

Asked him if he wishes to watch Star Wars movie. He agreed. Downloaded it from Yify. But, I was the only one watching it. We had to order briyani from a restaurant for 7 people. For some reason, I wasn’t looking forward to it. I don’t know. Ever since I started noFap, my appetite hasn’t been its best. Realised our house isn’t the best place for the phone reception. Nearly every call that was attended at home had a problem.

Anyways, had a sudden call from Uncle B that he is going to bring his wife’s sister. I knew she just a year older than me. Damn.. she is  very tall. Not the best looks though. Anyway, as you know, I’m not best with girls. Quite awkward. So, I wasn’t expecting much anyway.

They came. Had lunch. Uncle B’s wife’s sis apparently asked Uncle B who I was. So, I had to introduce myself as awkwardly as I can. She said she was 19. I realised I was older than her. WTF? She is soo tall. I always thought she was older than me.

Watched Uncle B’s wedding and engagement video recording. Uncle B had nearly 2 packets of Biryani. So, we had to get more. The delivery guy forgot to bring one of the two chicken 65 we ordered. Uncle V and Mina came over after that.

Then, came Aunt D and her dad came very late for lunch. We just chatted for sometime and Uncle B wanted to take a look at a vacant house upstairs.

Mina asked for some fruit juice. Surprisingly, she came with me. I’m glad that she no longer sees me as a stranger.

Then, we just chatted and watched Big Boss together.  ADVICE. ADVICE. ADVICE. It was just continuously advice. From my mom. From my uncle. From my Grandma. It was then time for my Uncle V to leave. He is off to NY tonight at 12am. He also took my cousin with him. My grandma nearly cried as my Uncle V walked out of our door. I guess it does suck when your children live away from you.

A minute before writing this blog, Mom came over and asked me about why I look so worried and stress all the time. I answered it is because of my poor performance in uni. I felt like crying. I put in so much hardwork. Then, still end up, getting poor marks. But, again, this is why I want to try NoFap. Since I used to fap nearly whenever I’m free, I feel tired and lazy all the time. This stopped me from doing any work quite early. I’m a person who always rushes things. I’ve been so stupid in my life. Games and Fapping. Two most common thing I do when I’m bored. I don’t learn. I don’t study. Just Fap and Game and Youtube. I understand I’ve took the worst possible lifestyle. I should stop this. 

No FAP:

Well… again, I’m quite stressed now. I should calm down. Whenever I think of calming down, my brain goes “FAP”. But, now I can not be bothered to take an effort to fap. For instance, when I wasn’t on NoFap, if I wanted to fap; I would go into the toilet, lay down on the toilet as if it was a bed. Then, FAP! I fap by rubbing my P on a surface. The easiest way. I think using hands are way too much effort. Anyway, now I feel like…. I cba. Good brain.

I feel more active. But, something pulls my energy down. It could be two things: stress about my future and constipation. I should get rid of both of these ASAP. I’m going to think positive from now on.

I CAN WIN! I will do it! I will finish my 60 day of NoFap

Day 11 : Wet Dream.

I should say that I’m getting hang of this whole writing blog thing. I love it. 😀 It is also amazing to know that there is someone out there reading what I do in regular life and my struggle through NoFap.

Regarding the title. Yes! I had a wet dream. I’ve haven’t had one in ages. The last one I had was two years ago when I was on NoFap due to exams. I had a wet dream a day before the exam.

What was the dream? Well… it is really weird. I was dreaming about some car racing, I believe. All of a sudden. Boom. It was Tamannah Bhatia. She has the best belly and navel in whole of Bollywood. I’m getting a b right now even when I’m typing. Damn.. she has the best belly. Yes, I have belly fetish. Then, BAM! It happened in an instant.

Anyways, woke up really late as usual. Last one to be up. My bro was off to this planetarium trip. And, mum and grandma just chilling. My elder cousin was on iPad.

Then, I had the dosa that my elder cousin never finished off.

Ordered some briyani from this expensive restaurant. The bill came up to 1500 rupees. Damn. But, the briyani was just delicious. I wanted to study. But, I also wanted my cousin to have a good time at ours.

So, I just stayed with him and played some games and stuff. Suddenly, his 3DS was out of charge. He had to call his mom and told her bring the charger.

To avoid his boredom, I gave him my iPad. I told him to play whatever he wishes. Oh yeah.. I bought a 3DS game for him yesterday. Forget to mention that yesterday.

Mum kept telling to revise for the exams. But, I just couldn’t focus. Yeah.. I looked at some sexually simulating stuff. Not P. Just pics of women’s belly. Didn’t fap though. As I said, I just look at them and go “MEH” nowadays. I want to study tomorrow. But, mom has invited my uncle and another relative(who is also technically my uncle) for lunch. So, I maybe need to help her too.

My bro and my elder cousin had this weird argument, which wasn’t an argument. But, they did fight through words. I told off my bro and keep his mouth shut when speaking to a 10 year old.

Then, they played Draw My Thing together. They got on really well.

Mum and Grandma spoke about the cons of growing up abroad compared to growing up back home.

Then, after a very long wait, my uncle and aunt came over. I expected that they would take elder cousin home so, I could actually work tomorrow without having to worry that he doesn’t get bored all the time. But, when they came over, he said

Can I stay over for another night?

I was both happy and sad. Happy because I’ve done my job right and he hasn’t been bored. Sad because I have to make sure if he eats and has a good time at ours all the time. Mum and Grandma can’t communicate with him properly as they are fluent in English. So, I have translate everything my mom and grandma says to him.

My aunt and uncle are going back to NY tomorrow at 12 am. My elder cousin and my younger cousin are staying in India for another month.

Again, good thing and a bad thing. My Grandma is insisted that I should accompany her to SG. But, I’m not a great fan of SG. So, NO!

No FAP:

Urges here and there. Solely due to boredom. I did look at some navel pics. But, didn’t fap. I said “NO” to porn when my mind craved for it. I watched these TED Talks on how pornography affects your brain. Surprisingly, P addiction symptoms had all the problems I suffer from now. Low confidence. Poor Memory. Poor Focus. Sure that I will be back to normal on Day 60. Let’s go