So, why haven’t I written a blog in a while? Because I was ashamed of myself. After my last day 0 post, I fapped rigorously for another three days. I mean very rigorously. Probably like 10 times on each day. FFS! I was back on the viscous addiction cycle. But, those three days has taught me a valuable lesson which I have forgotten — NEVER PEEK.
My brain often convinces itself that it is the sperm retention is primary goal of this journey. As I have previously described in my older posts, my brain constantly tries to make a link with everything at all times. If I get an amazing grade, my brain will go “hmmm… what caused this amazing result?”. Then, my brain would look through the list of things I did on previous days. Most of the time it has been me trying to refrain from masturbation before that exam. So, I would just assume that No Masturbation for a certain number of days before an exam = better result. To be honest, that’s the reason why I have come so far which I will explain later. This is a long lost. BEWARE!
So, I thought “Hmm.. I will not fap. Just peek.(I’m not gonna say where for obvious reasons)”. But, whenever I’m on it, I turn into a completely different person. It is amazing how your hormones can change the way you think drastically. I will forget all my goals like noFap and end up fapping. I have decided that from now on, never to peek. No matter what. If I peek, I WILL RESET THE COUNTER.
Anyways, back to the diary. I had my entire house for myself. All my housemates went home for Christmas. I was watching the content out loud for the first time in my life. I’m so embarrassed to even write this. It feels like I haven’t even been committed to this. This is what Porn does. Just hijacks your brain.
Did no work for my exams. Just binge watched on Time Team. YES! TIME TEAM
Then, it was time to pack up for my holiday to Dubai. I cleaned the house. Went to London. Jacked off there too. FFS. Then, from there, took the flight to Riyadh. Then, 10 and half transit. Then, from there to Dubai.
It was lovely. But, I should say this trip was God-given. You know why. Porn is illegal in UAE. If you find you that you have been watching porn, BAM! You are in the prison getting the whips from the UAE richboiis policeman.
So,as I have previously said in earlier posts, the first 5 days are the hardest. The urges peek and you will most of your streaks there. Lucky for me, I was in Dubai. First, it is illegal. Second, we were knackered by the time we reached our hotel end of the day. All I had to do was just close my eyelids. BAM! I’m asleep. Then, next day, I will be out of my hotel ASAP. I think I should adapt that lifestyle here as well. Just go gym before bed. Get knackered. Then, sleep. Easier to avoid the urges.
By the time, I came back. I was on day 7. A week of noFap. This is where I would usually get a huge burst of energy. But, I have wasted it on travelling. So, not useful at all.
Then, It has been three days since that day 7. I have very less work. I had a flat line from day 8 – day 9 (Yesterday). I had no motivation to work. Most of the time went on the bed just sleeping it off. But, I learnt a very important lesson today. Never have too much carbs. If I did, I would just feel tired even more and head to bed wasting time.
I’m going to survive on simple proteins and fruits for sugar to survive from now on.
Oh yeah…. NEW YEAR RESOLUTION!
- Hit day 100 this year at least once this year.
- Go Gym.
- Get laid.
- Get a perfect skin.
- Get an internship.
- Score at least 80% this year.
I’ve been taking medications for my brain. Eating omega rich food. Nuts. Avacodo. Blueberries.
Oh yeah… another thing. Since this is the longest I have been on nofap journey since I started uni which was back in Sept and I haven’t peeked even a single bit, the urges are starting to create pictures in my dream. I just had a dream where I went into a brothel. The good guy I was even though, I bought the ticket to go into the brothel. I didn’t sleep with any women. That is one thing I will never ever ever do in my life. I’m happy to stay as a virgin till the age of 60 than sleep with a prostitute.
Despite the fact it has been a good week for myself, not so good for my electronics. Both of the hinges on my laptop have broken off. One of the sides of my Bose QC25 headphones just stopped working when I was listening to a song. Today, my iphone screen works, but has these weird white lines everywhere. Me being the engineering student that I am tried to fix. Just made it worse. The home button got stucked in between the screen.
Anyways, I have told myself that I will work for at least 12 hours today. Let’s see how it goes. Machine learning is long. I will update every now and then.
How do I feel today?
Did have an urge today just because I was stressed about my phone. By just worshipping to God, I have prevented myself from fapping.
My goal is not to fap until I get my results for my exams. If I don’t get the expected grades, FUCK NOFAP! I want to see the results academically more than the effects it has on my social life.
PS: NoFap does improve on my social skills.
Oh yeah… another thing. My dad got admitted to a hospital as he fell unconscious when my family was on way to see the new land my dad has apparently bought. I told my mom to tell the doctor to tell my dad that he will die soon if he doesn’t stop alcohol. He has started to show his narcissistic character again. I’m so worried because my mom and my bro are going to head back to UK soon and I don’t want them to live with my dad when he’s like this. I’ve lived with him. It is like living in a hell. Literally.
Applied to so many jobs. Got rejected by Llyods. 😦 Why? I did the test with my housemate. Still failed. Anyways. Back to revision.