NoFap Day#8 : Controllable Urges

So, it’s going to be short one today. It’s getting late and I need to wake up by 5am tomorrow. So, what did I do today? How did noFap change my day? Any improvements? How many of my self-improvement stuff did I do?

My day started at around 9:30. Good sleep. I can’t sleep like this in Cambridge. My sleep is actually so good when I’m at my parents house. Don’t know what’s causing it. Whether it’s the fan on low setting that gently pushes a cold breeze on my face or heavy dinner or just the feeling of being at home? Anyways, woke up and had some oily Indian breakfast – Poori. That knocked me down again and I felt sleepy and took a nap. I know right? What a waste of time?

I need to do something about this food coma. I will wait for a month before I start new remedies. I want to focus on NoFap and my already long self improvement stuff.

Then woke up and had a Briyani and conked me again. This is when I started to get urges. Not too much that I can’t focus on anything else. Just gentle urges. I really wanted to peek. But, I told myself NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! closed my phone. Started my work and tried to distract myself. Again, urges didn’t stop. But, as I said, Controllable urges.

I will be honest. If I didn’t start writing this blog regularly, I would have gave in and relapsed. But, the fact I have regular readers makes me think I should not back out. I should do this to people and tell them the difference that I feel.

Oh, also… I wanted to watch Joker. But, man… I couldn’t be bothered. Plus, if I went to the movie, I wouldn’t have been able to do work. There’s still some work to do. However, at least I’m not too behind. Just 4 more functions to cover.

NoFap:

Weird thing happened, ladies and gentlemen! I had 40% of morning wood. Still not a rock-on morning wood. I asked a question regarding morning wood to one of the guys from Reddit who did Semen retention for 1 year. He told me his libido and morning wood were really intense after 14-20 days.

So…waiting for that day.

Its actually amazing how much I’ve ruined my sex hormones. Ive been eating a lot almonds, Vitamin C, Shilajit and Aswagandha everyday for the last week. Still no hope for my libido to fully recover.

Anyways, as I said… Today noFap gave controllable urges and made me say “NO!” to peek at porn. Urges are starting to come back.

Also a weird feeling – I’m getting quite stressed about that I constantly feel a gentle pain under my chest. I need to calm down!

Self-improv

Diet:. High Carb Indian diet today. Definitely didn’t hit my 3000 intake or hit my protein goal. Had 2/5 a day. Water intake around 2.5 litres. Took all my herbal brain supplements not my vitamins supplements. No nuts or dates

Workout: of course, didn’t go to gym since I’m in London. However, I did do a lot of research about workout splits. But, I’m still undecided because most of these splits includes legs and I don’t want to work on my legs just yet. My legs look good already. I would rather spend time on my upper body.

Skin and Hair: of course, the hair fall when I took after leaving the herbal oil overnight made me lose a lot of hair. But, after the shower, the itchiness did reduce and hair fall was way lower. Probably because the hair that were about to fall all got out in shower. The volume of my hair on the right side of my head (where I lost a lot of hair) has reduced drastically and it looks slightly weird.

For skincare, I’ve applied Vitamin E night cream. That’s about it.

Habits:. Nothing yet. I NEED TO START THIS!!!!!!

– Good night

NoFap Day 7: No Barriers

Thanks for all the likes on the last blog posts and also to the new followers. You are my driving force to make this streak happen.

So, let’s get to the blog. What did I do today?

Had the best sleep since this streak started. Like such a deep sleep that I was lucid dreaming. Probably due to heavy dinner that I had last night. Just chilled at home and learnt more about body building and self Improvement on reddit. Then, off I went to hair loss clinic.

As some of my readers know, I’ve been shedding a lot of hair recently. That’s one of the reasons why I’m on this journey. Trying to get control of hormones and producing a balance within my body since imbalance causes shedding of hair. I wanted to know the reasons why I’m suffering from.

So, initially, I started with a gp appointment which led me to do the blood tests. They all seemed normal apart from Potassium, Vitamin D and B12. They were in normal range too but, just above the normal range. So, I started eating healthy for a month and this hair fall didn’t seem to get any better.

So, I decided to go to a hair loss clinic to see what’s actually happening with my hair. Well… It turns out I’m either having shedding due to seasonal changes or I’m just stressed. Along with very early stage of Male Pattern Baldness.

But, I also have this irritating itch all the time which just ends up being dandruff. So, the way to tackle my issue – Have a clean scalp, shave my head, start with Minoxidil and dermarolling.

Hopefully I will have a really healthy hair back.

NoFap:

So, day 7. A week since I started this journey. How do I feel? Well… I will try to sum it up in very short phrases with massive changes to least changes :

1. Sleep – I’m able to sleep for only 7 hrs and I feel fresh in the morning and don’t feel groggy at all
2. Clean – I used to feel quite dirty after masturbation. This feeling of disgust lasts me for an entire day.
3. Motivation and Drive – I’m able to focus on other goals more – work, diet, body and skin
4. Confidence – I’m slowly starting to get confidence back
5. Mental Arithmetic – I used to struggle a lot doing mental maths which I used to be really good at. Now, I’m slowly getting it back
6. Articulation – I can phrase my thoughts better
7. Slight improvement in Memory

In terms of positive incidents that happened today. Well… In the hair clinic, I feel like I came across so confident to the hair fall specialist there that, we started to connect and she didn’t try to scam me or give additional treatment options that won’t be required. But, I was able hold eye contact, no for long though. Also, I had easy time connecting with people today. I spoke what was in my heart. I felt No Barriers.

Next incident was when one of friends said “Who’s this?” when I sent him a text message saying what’s up. Usually, I would get quite anxious and start to think “Ahh everyone hates me! I used to be good friends with him! Why doesn’t he like me? Why hasn’t he got my number saved on his phone ?”. This would put my mood down and make me depressed. However, since I was on the streak, I literally took it as a joke (which is what it ended up being) and I played along. Negative thoughts are starting to disappear.

Other than that, still no morning erection. Reduced libido in terms of changes in body. Overall, better mood than last week.

I did peek again. For 10 seconds. Strike 2. One more. I’m going to reset my noPorn counter. If I reset my noPorn more than twice, I’m going to reset my NoFap counter. So, Day2 of NoPorn

Self-improv

Diet: Had healthy diet. Not sure if I hit my 3000 Cal intake. Mom gave me a lot of herbs to cleanse my body. Had 4/5 a day. Only vegetarian today. Drank around 2.5/3.5 litres of water. Took all my brain supplements and Shilajit capsules. No vitamin tabs were taken since I had a balanced diet today.

Body : Was home in London. Therefore, dont have a gym membership for any gyms here. Therefore, didn’t go to any gym.

Skin and Hair: No serum but, applied Vitamin E night cream. Have applied some homemade herbal oil for hair growth that my mom made overnight. Still haven’t exfoliated my skin

Habits: None yet. Sorry

– Night

NoFap Day 6: Connecting dots

Ahhh… I’m writing this blog in the morning rather than last night. I’m trying to get into that habit of having a good night ritual. But, man I keep finding excuses not to.

Anyways, the usual format. What did I do today? Did noFap improve my life? How many of self improvement stuff did I do?

1. What did I do in the day? How did my day go?

Woke up earlier than usual. Around 7-8am. Went to work around 10 and started my work. I was able to finally have a chat with my colleagues and cleared all my doubts that I had on the task that was given to me. Around 13 00, something clicked on my mind and I was able to understand everything on the code. This did seem a bit weird. Don’t think it was because my colleague explained it to me earlier. I wrote a bunch of questions on my notebook even after he explained. But, after that “click-moment”, I was able to figure out the answers for those questions myself. The , I left work early so I can go to the other side of Cambridge to meet my friend who drove me to my parents’ in London.

Then, had some nice curry. Slept. Woke up. Ate again. Slept.

NoFap

So, let’s talk about noFap improvements. Articulation is slightly better and my questions made sense. Not sure if it’s because I had slightly clear mind or because I had them prepared a day before. Memory is improving. Sleep was good for the 7 hours that slept. I’ve been waking up before my alarm since Day 3/4 of NoFap. Energy levels back up again. Motivation to do stuff was slightly lower. No Peeking happened. So, it’s NoPorn Day 1.

I didn’t also feel groggy. I was fresh in the morning when I left. No morning wood. No urges. My dick is pretty shrinked now.

Self Improv:

Diet: Morning breakfast wasn’t usual. I had kala channa, yogurt and strawberries for breakfast. I made a massive amount of egg fried rice with Quorn for lunch which I didn’t get to eat because I was so caught up with work. At home, I had lamb leg paya 😍😍. Not sure if Ive hit my 3000k intake or my protein intake. Took all my brain supplements. Took shilajit too but as capsules which mom bought. No nuts. Had only 2/5 a day. Took B complex with Cod liver oil supplements.

Body: didn’t work out. I wanted to work out in the morning. I went to bed really late day before yesterday so, couldn’t wake up by 6am to go gym in the morning. DOMS have gone.

Skincare and Hair: no routines. Hairfall was much lower than yesterday which was horrendous.

Habits: nothing yet.

NoFap Day#5: Shit day.

Fucks sake… I’m starting to lose my motivation to do the self improvement streak. This is all due to me starting to become my old self due to laziness. This is also why I’m writing my blog a day late. Im trying to figure out what went wrong yesterday. Well… Everything did. But, what caused it?

1. Woke up really late – 10am

2. Spending too long on phone

3. Trying to stuff in food to hit the goals at once.

4. Spending too long on any task

So, plan from now on:

Speed up everything.

So, what happened today? Nothing much to honest. Went to work really late. Didn’t pack lunch. Finally, gave a try on every function on that list. The task my line manager has for me next is quite exciting. After 4pm or so, I started to feel my old self coming back. The expressive and surge of confidence just came back out of nowhere. Kinda got horny for no reason. Not to a level where I had a hard on. Came back home, ate, watched a movie and slept.

NoFap

It’s day 5. This is usually when my brain starts to perform better. This is when I start t get my confidence back. So, let’s talk about articulation. Still struggling to put my thoughts together. Memory same as yesterday. But, mental calculations are much better. Confidence is slowly coming back.

But, fuck. I peeked when I was procrastinating. Looked at few celebs nudes before I closed. Before going to bed. I was so close to relapsing. Still, no mad boners. But man I was horny. Then I told myself…

I wanna fuck a real girl

I want to be confident

I want to look good and feel good

I want my old self back.

I want my readers of blog to know that I’m not a pussy.

Then, closed. Slept. I did peek for 4 different times; each lasting for 30 seconds to min long. Now, you understand why it was a shit day.

So, from now on. I’m going to have another counter. NoPorn counter. This involves peeking anything that’s sexual.

Self improv:

Body: didn’t workout. Doms were still bad. I wanted to work on chest but, I can’t even move my arms.

Diet: failed to 3000 Cal intake. Had around 2000. Had 4/5 pieces of fruit. Took all the brain supplements. Had B complex instead f 12. Didn’t take shilajit or nuts. Shit day.

Skin and Hair care: hair loss was so much worse. I have no idea why. Didn’t do the skin care routines too. Washed my hair as well. Hair loss is drastic. Shit day.

Habits: didn’t do any of them. Shit day.

NoFap Day#4: No excuses

So, it’s NoFap day#4. I’m writing this in the morning rather than at night because DOMS from working out was so bad last night. I just wanted to lay my body on soft cozy bed and sleep.

Work was fine. Just a normal day. I did alright job. I’m trying to remember what happened yesterday with the shit memory that I have. Nothing interesting happened to be honest.

NoFap:

Day 4 of NoFap. I haven’t reached this streak in a while no going to lie. I always fall into temptations in a while. Three things that gave me motivation – this blog, the Reddit posts of success stories and gym. The blog is giving me a feeling that someone is monitoring me. The Reddit posts talks about the benefits that I will experience. The gym at night makes me tired that I just fall asleep without need of masturbation.

In terms of difference, I just feel cleaner but, my mind is still cloggy. Still, memory is shit. But, from the title, you may wonder why such title? Again, this is about the drive that I have to improve in all aspects of life. I always tell myself no excuses except few things which I will come back in a bit.

But, I’m getting more looks from chicks when I’m out. Not sure if it’s due to noFap or just me looking slightly more confident. Also, I’m not a socially anxious person but, I feel like recently I feel confident staying on my own and not talking to anyone. Don’t know why. I just prefer that for some reason. Even at work, I just want to eat on my own during lunch times. But, I always get this feeling for like a week after vigorous masturbation. It takes time for my body to reset to normal me.

Hair loss was much better. Only saw few strands of hairs. Cognitive function is still shit. But, I do feel I remember it back again quite quickly. No improvement in brain capacity. Slightly getting better in mental maths. Im able to do calculations in my mind that I wasn’t able to.

Again, the sleep was good and again my body woke up after 7 hrs.

Also, forgot to mention. My libido is coming back. I did have few urges but, controllable.

Self-improv

This is worst self-improvement day so far. I didn’t go to gym because my arms were killing. I wanted to either work on my shoulders or my chest. Both require my movements of my hands. So, wanted to take a rest day. I watched couple episodes of The Office and a Bollywood movie.

I forgot to take all supplements at the regular times. However, I did manage to take them all when I came back home.

Hit my 5 a day.

Hit my 3000 Cal intake with good amount of protein.

Took shilajit along with almonds and dates before going to bed.

Didn’t not do any skin care routines and brush my teeth before going to bed. I was too tired and it was too late.

– Good morning

Day 10: Hi again! Trip to Dubai. Exams. Good Time Ahead

So, why haven’t I written a blog in a while? Because I was ashamed of myself. After my last day 0 post, I fapped rigorously for another three days. I mean very rigorously. Probably like 10 times on each day. FFS! I was back on the viscous addiction cycle. But, those three days has taught me a valuable lesson which I have forgotten — NEVER PEEK.

My brain often convinces itself that it is the sperm retention is primary goal of this journey. As I have previously described in my older posts, my brain constantly tries to make a link with everything at all times. If I get an amazing grade, my brain will go “hmmm… what caused this amazing result?”. Then, my brain would look through the list of things I did on previous days.   Most of the time it has been me trying to refrain from masturbation before that exam. So, I would just assume that No Masturbation for a certain number of days before an exam = better result. To be honest, that’s the reason why I have come so far which I will explain later. This is a long lost. BEWARE!

So, I thought “Hmm.. I will not fap. Just peek.(I’m not gonna say where for obvious reasons)”. But, whenever I’m on it, I turn into a completely different person. It is amazing how your hormones can change the way you think drastically. I will forget all my goals like noFap and end up fapping. I have decided that from now on, never to peek. No matter what. If I peek, I WILL RESET THE COUNTER.

Anyways, back to the diary. I had my entire house for myself. All my housemates went home for Christmas. I was watching the content out loud for the first time in my life. I’m so embarrassed to even write this. It feels like I haven’t even been committed to this. This is what Porn does. Just hijacks your brain.

Did no work for my exams. Just binge watched on Time Team. YES! TIME TEAM

Then, it was time to pack up for my holiday to Dubai. I cleaned the house. Went to London. Jacked off there too. FFS. Then, from there, took the flight to Riyadh. Then, 10 and half transit. Then, from there to Dubai.

It was lovely. But, I should say this trip was God-given. You know why. Porn is illegal in UAE. If you find you that you have been watching porn, BAM! You are in the prison getting the whips from the UAE richboiis policeman.

So,as I have previously said in earlier posts, the first 5 days are the hardest. The urges peek and you will most of your streaks there. Lucky for me, I was in Dubai. First, it is illegal. Second, we were knackered by the time we reached our hotel end of the day. All I had to do was just close my eyelids. BAM! I’m asleep. Then, next day, I will be out of my hotel ASAP. I think I should adapt that lifestyle here as well. Just go gym before bed. Get knackered. Then, sleep. Easier to avoid the urges.

By the time, I came back. I was on day 7. A week of noFap. This is where I would usually get a huge burst of energy. But, I have wasted it on travelling. So, not useful at all.

Then, It has been three days since that day 7. I have very less work. I had a flat line from day 8 – day 9 (Yesterday). I had no motivation to work. Most of the time went on the bed just sleeping it off. But, I learnt a very important lesson today. Never have too much carbs. If I did, I would just feel tired even more and head to bed wasting time.

I’m going to survive on simple proteins and fruits for sugar to survive from now on.

Oh yeah….  NEW YEAR RESOLUTION! 

• Hit day 100 this year at least once this year.
• Go Gym.
• Get laid.
• Get a perfect skin.
• Get an internship.
• Score at least 80% this year.

I’ve been taking medications for my brain. Eating omega rich food. Nuts. Avacodo. Blueberries.

Oh yeah… another thing. Since this is the longest I have been on nofap journey since I started uni which was back in Sept and I haven’t peeked even a single bit, the urges are starting to create pictures in my dream. I just had a dream where I went into a brothel. The good guy I was even though, I bought the ticket to go into the brothel. I didn’t sleep with any women. That is one thing I will never ever ever do in my life. I’m happy to stay as a virgin till the age of 60 than sleep with a prostitute. 

Despite the fact it has been a good week for myself, not so good for my electronics. Both of the hinges on my laptop have broken off. One of the sides of my Bose QC25 headphones just stopped working when I was listening to a song. Today, my iphone screen works, but has these weird white lines everywhere. Me being the engineering student that I am tried to fix. Just made it worse. The home button got stucked in between the screen.

Anyways, I have told myself that I will work for at least 12 hours today. Let’s see how it goes. Machine learning is long. I will update every now and then.

How do I feel today?

Did have an urge today just because I was stressed about my phone. By just worshipping to God, I have prevented myself from fapping.

My goal is not to fap until I get my results for my exams. If I don’t get the expected grades, FUCK NOFAP! I want to see the results academically more than the effects it has on my social life.

PS: NoFap does improve on my social skills.

Oh yeah… another thing. My dad got admitted to a hospital as he fell unconscious when my family was on way to see the new land my dad has apparently bought. I told my mom to tell the doctor to tell my dad that he will die soon if he doesn’t stop alcohol. He has started to show his narcissistic character again. I’m so worried because my mom and my bro are going to head back to UK soon and I don’t want them to live with my dad when he’s like this. I’ve lived with him. It is like living in a hell. Literally.

Applied to so many jobs. Got rejected by Llyods. 😦 Why? I did the test with my housemate. Still failed. Anyways. Back to revision.

 

Day 17: Normal Day, I guess…

Today was a very normal day for me. Nothing new. Just normal.

Woke up quite late today as I sleep late last night after revision. I was quite urged to look at P**n last night. But, I told myself:

It’s not worth it.

Then, just watched some league videos and slept. When I woke up, my mom kept insisting that I should do Yoga. I did Sun Prayer and breathing exercise. Not religiously though. Then, I tried to perform some exercise to increase my penile length while showering. But, the soap was so strong that it went into my P. It was hurting like hell whenever I peed. Literally, I nearly screamed. That lasted for like 2 hours straight.

Off I went to Java class. My teacher wasn’t in. So, I was bored. Went on NoFap. Then, it was time for my internship. I literally did nothing there. The internship leader is so intrigued by the fact that I’m from UK. She consistently asked me about all the stuff in UK – culture, food and people. I was thinking to myself:

Just Shut Up! Already. Just do your job and teach me something

It was so awkward talking about UK and abroad to someone who has never been to abroad. To make things even worse, there were two other boys asking me all sorts of weird questions to me. God!

Then, I escaped and I was off to Yoga class. I was quite late. She taught some Yoga for my concentration. Then, on the way back, I had some rose milk. Damn.. it was soo refreshing!! It was also very hot today. 39 degrees. Luckily, I had my sunscreen on. Otherwise, I would turned into some charcoal looking figure.

Had fish curry and rice for lunch. Slept. Woke up. I went out to print my 82 pages long notes. By the time, I came back home from the printing shop. My mum was having an intense conversation with my dad on the phone about some property that we have in rural part of Madurai. Apparently, my grandfather from my dad side has put my dad’s property for sale without his permission. Upon further discussion with my dad, he confirmed it was a rumour and nothing like that has happened.

I had quite a lot of healthy take away for dinner. Mushroom masala, Two corn hobs and two cups of mushroom soups.  Watched this reality TV show. That’s it. Everyone has gone to bed apart from me. I’m going to study for an hour.

Tomorrow, I’m going to start my motor bike training lessons. Neil (my young cousin) should be back tomorrow as well. Thinking of taking him to the new Dawn of the apes movie.

NoFap:

I did have urges here and there. I controlled myself and refrained from looking at any p**graphic content. But, I did wanted to know how often women masturbate. I always wondered if they do it as often as men. Apparently, they don’t. Good. No wonder women are more focused at work than men. Men are some horny creatures.

Thanks to those 10 followers. Don’t know if you are going to read this. But, I’m happy someone is reading what’s happening in my boring life.

Day 16: A New Beginning.

Yes. It is a New Beginning. My lifestyle has dramatically changed. I woke up really early – 7AM. That’s really early for me. Mom kept insisted that I should do Yoga. So, I did. For like solid 20 minutes. I did the Sun Prayer Yoga and some breathing exercises. But, I couldn’t get the breathing right. So, I had to look up on Google before doing it.

Off I went to Java class. Finished Threads and Execution today. My teacher actually spent some time with me teaching the concept completely. She hasn’t done this in a while. But, she is amazing when it comes to teaching. Then, as I was coding, she explained about how much their family is praying for a better job for her. I told her that teaching is a very valuable profession. She agreed and said :

Not the best profession for money

It’s true. It is quite unsatisfying for people like her who put so much effort in teaching someone their knowledge. Yet, still, gets paid less. 😦

Then, the teacher responsible for my Internship informed and said I will be able to do the Internship today as soon as my Java class finishes. I was so happy. I don’t have to come back from home.

She taught me basic stuff again. It was really embarrassing when I answered most of her basic questions wrong. For instance, I didn’t know what a dielectric does. I didn’t know what a semi-conductor was. But, when she reminds me what it is, it all comes back. I was also quite glad that the brain is rebooting. I have forgotten all the fights my dad had with my mom and all the embarrassing moments. They are all gone now. I’m happy that I have forgotten most of the things.

Then, I went to the pharmacy to get the medicine I was prescribed for my melasma. I haven’t applied it in ages because my mom has put it somewhere and she can’t remember where it is.

Came back home. Had Lunch. Took a nap. Woke up. Paid fees for motor bike training lessons. I’m starting from Saturday.

Came back home. Asked my brother (He is 13. I’m 20) how to take square roots of any number without using calculator. He explained some division method and factorising method.

Did some revision. I didn’t want to finish Arithmetic. It was too long and boring. So, I just went through the Alex’s stuff. I need to print off my notes. It should cost like 233 rupees. Not much.

I’m doing revision now. Then, I’m off to bed.

Oh yeah… I wanted to do the exam here. But, then today was the deadline. I can’t do anything. So, I have to go back to UK to do the resit. But, I’m coming back to India. Mom keeps insisting that I need to come back so, she can take care of me well. But, I want to stay in UK. It has been ages since I have met my mates from school and secondary. To be more precise, 2 and half years. That’s because I never really had a vacation for myself.

NoFap:

I took the phone to the toilet this morning. But, never looked at navel pics. I had so many opportunities to look at P**n. But, I refrained.

I felt more energetic. Memory is getting better. I can remember things now properly. Still a bit absentminded. Focus is not the best.

Damn.. It is day 16 today. 16 days since I rubbed my ding dong. I’m pretty proud of myself. I’m not feeling tired anymore. I’m more active. I know how to control my body. I know how to control my urges. I wish I had experimented this earlier. 😦 I have ruined my life due to this addiction. Once I reach day 60. I’m going to take a break from NoFap. Try it for 90 days after that.

Can’t wait for day 30. Let’s go.

DAY 15: Passed Quarter of my Goal. Learnt to control my Body

Ok..  I learnt a lot about myself today. I learnt that I can control my urge despite watching P***n. I learnt that the feeling that I can get after fapping can be brought by just doing Yoga. I learnt that it is not the Porn that is affecting me. I learnt it was my habit of Masturbation.

For the last two years, I have been doing it for at least 3 times a day before sleeping. Yes.. Three times. I’m talking about a busy day. If I was free, I would do it more than that. Anyway, I went on the links on Google that stated that Over masturbation causes all the stuff I’m suffering from now.

Anyway, Let’s go and talk about what I did during the day.

Woke up quite early. I told my mom that I had some homework so, I woke up like 7:45 today. I should say I felt okay. I looked at some navel pics and deactivated my fake facebook profile. I’m doing this for a reason. I will explain later. Got ready. Grandma left today.

Off I went to Java Lessons. Finished File handling. My laptop ran out of charge. Despite having charger, I was unable to charge it because I had an european plug. This is India. They have the circular socket. So, I asked the teacher and she gave her circular plug charger. I used that and off I went home.

But.. wait. I realised I had a Yoga lesson. So, I went to Yoga classes. I should say it was pretty relaxing. That feeling that you get after fap. That’s exactly what I had. I learnt some basic Yoga stuff like Surya Namaskar and Pranayamas (Breathing Exercises). During Pranayamas, you are meant to hum and saying “oo” for the vibrations. But, my voice was just being so rough I couldn’t say any of it properly. Then, there was one SimaAsana. This Asana you pretend to be a lion and posture yourself like a lion. Just exhale like a dog. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Anyways, she moved on to other exercises. It was pretty relaxing I should say.

I came home after that. No one was at home. Mom had gone to the bus stop to drop my grandma off. Now, this is when I set myself a goal. I told myself I’ve been seeing a lot of sexual simulating stuff for the last 15 days. Since I’m quarter my way to my 60 day goal, it is time to make it harder. I told myself:

No more viewing any kind of sexually simulating stuff from tomorrow!

From tomorrow, I will not take the phone to toilet to look at some navel pics. No more peeking and looking at some P stars when you are horny. No more Karlee Grey. No more nothing. From day 15 – day 60… It is just going to be work, work and work.

To reward myself for reaching 15 day goal, I told myself I’m allowed to look at P**n as much as possible. But, one thing. No FAPPING!

So, I looked at all sorts of images. Naked. Navel. Belly. But, just today. No more from tomorrow. To be honest, I’m not addicted to porn. I’m addicted to fapping. I’m addicted to the feeling I get after a fap. That’s it. So, I did look at all these pics. Went on NSFW posts on reddit. But, didn’t fap. I did leak precum here and there. That’s about it. I never touched my ding dong.

Also, I’m thinking of doing the resit here. Not in UK. I got informed by my faculty that the exam can be done over here. So, yeah. Tickets to London are quite expensive now.

I have sent an email to the exams office. Hopefully, they reply by tomorrow.

I didn’t go the Internship today. Since I was tired from Yoga and was a bit horny, I couldn’t be bothered.

From tomorrow, it is going to revision. Classes. Yoga. Let’s go. Day 60. Here I come.

 

Day 14 : Man… I was full of energy. Best Day in a while.

Damnn… I don’t what’s happening with those pills. But, hell sure they are working. Yesterday, I wrote about how depressed and drugged up I was. Man.. now, it is almost my bedtime. I’m typing this blog as if this was a typing competition. Something is wrong with me. But, I like this change. To quote from Spiderman:

Any change?

Yeah. A big Change

Anyway, Mom woke me up in the middle of the sleep and told me draw a diagram of Nitrogen Cycle on my bro’s notebook. I should I’m proud of that sketch that was drawn while half asleep. I went back to sleep. Woke up at the usual time.  Had Breakfast and the anxiety pill after.

Off I went to the Java class. I was quite focused and intrigued about the learning today. I was so excited. Then, again, my teacher wasn’t teaching me most of the time. So, I felt like it was a waste. Anyways, after the lessons had finished, I called my mom and told her to come over to this Yoga Center. Yes… I will be learning Yoga from tomorrow.

I think as I’m close to reaching 15 day mark on NoFap, I feel like all my energy is coming back. Literally. I had so much energy in me.

So, I came back home. It was quite hot. Usually, I would become tired after staying in sun after 30 mins. Today, I was on sun for nearly 2 hours. To improve my memory and concentration, Mom bought me Flax seeds. Apparently, they are rich in Omega 3.

Without a slightest bit of annoyance, I was happy to go back on sun after 3 hours and attended my internship. They wanted me to build a AC-DC converter. But, the breadboard and soldering iron weren’t the best. I had to bend the legs of the components and join them together to make a connection.

As expected, it didn’t work. 100% sure, it was due to short circuit. The soldering was so badly done. Anyway, I left.

Got back home. Went to my Uncle S’ house with my grandma on a Taxi. God.. that taxi driver was loud and annoying. The guy was speaking to wife and complaining about his wife to us while she was on the line. WTF? Fix yourself dude. We wanted to visit this place because the tenant there owes my grandma like 200,000 Rupees. I wanted to go with her because she can’t walk properly or go up the stairs. So, I went with her in case she needs any help. But, my reason to go was to look at babes.  LOL! Joking.

But.. yeah. My Uncle S’ house is a girls hostel. Now, that my energy level was peaking high. I really wanted to have a kiss and flirt with someone. Since I won’t be able to do that, I just wanted to make some not-creepy but, strong eye contact with some ladies.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. We came back on the same taxi that got us there.

Once I came home, I just searched up “How to lose virginity?”. Haha! My testosterone was skyrocketing. I did look at some navel pics today. Didn’t fap. That’s about it really.

Booked Tickets to Madurai for Grandma. She will be leaving tomorrow.

Did not revise. Should have used all this energy on something productive. With NoFap, treatment on anxiety and some supplements from mom, I’m sure on the way to becoming the guy that I want to be.

NoFap:

I looked at some navel videos. That’s because I was extremely energetic and as a result, I was horny. But, controlled myself.

As I have said already many times in this entry, my energy levels were raging high. Literally, I wasn’t like “Can’t be arsed” at any point today. I had this drive and confidence. Nearly day 15. Seeing good results. Memory is getting better. I’m remembering things here and there. Still forgetting where I left my wallet and some words that I used to know. I’m 100% sure. My memory will return on Day 60. Focus is still shit. But, to be honest, didn’t have much time to test it.